Snorefest

Dear Yeti,

Why does turkey make me so sleepy?

The easy answer for this is that turkey contains tryptophan. According to wikipedia.com, tryptophan is "...one of 20 essential amino acids, which are building blocks of protein, and an essential amino acid in the human diet." People always say that this is the chemical in turkey that makes everyone want to take a nap. The Yeti says that's bullshit.


Tryptophan - boring, but doesn't make me sleepy

And Wikipedia agrees. "While turkey does include high levels of tryptophan, the amount is comparable to that contained in most other meats. Furthermore postprandinal Thanksgiving sedation may have more to do with what is consumed along with turkey, and in particular carbohydrates, rather than turkey itself."

Thanks Wikipedia, because you're saying what I've been thinking: WE ARE ALL FAT ASSES. Of course turkey makes us sleepy. That's because we're also shoving corn, green beans, sage dressing, dumplings, creamed corn, macaroni and cheese, oyster dressing, salad, yams covered with marshmallows, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, chocolate bars, biscuits, bread, corn bread, mixed vegetables, salami, cheese, pickles, potato chips, Cheetos, chocolate cream pie, banana cream pie, banana pudding, chicken wings, pork loin, cheesecake, rolls, barbecue ribs, ham, olives, potato salad, mashed potatoes, au gratin potaties, green bean and other odd casseroles, Jello molds and a turkey sandwich "snack" into our pie holes all in one day. On top of that, we load up a plate or three to take home with us just in case we get the munchies later that night.

That doesn't even begin to account for all of the beer, wine and bourbon you drink during the day. My friend Belle has a great recap of making this into a game in her recent blog entry (under My Peeps at the top of the page).

Damn, I think I would need a nap too. I'm just sayin. When it comes to tryptophan it's a classic case of don't hate the playa, hate the game.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!

Dear Yeti,

Where do babies come from?

I can tell you where babies used to come from. Service Merchandise. I remember back in the day when moms all over Southern Indiana would stand in line at this place to get their baby in a box. My mom was one of those ladies. She collected the babies, but typically left them in the box. I think there were a few people trampled at some point trying to get these babies. Some wanted to leave them in the box, some wanted to give them to their kids so they could have babies, some wanted to put them on the baby black market and make some cold hard cash. Very scary.



Soon the baby craze crapped out. That's because the Furbee showed up. Some stupid furball that "talked" to you. Or sang. Or something.



Then that damn thing died, so the babies came back. Beanie Babies. They typically came from Hallmark or the flea market. I remember being at my grandma's house and seeing thousands of these things staring at me. I think a few people died trying for these things as well.



Aren't you glad Christmas is here?

Until next time,

The Yeti

Extreme Peeve

Dear Yeti,

Why is it that one a-hole always "replies all" to a company wide email by mistake? And is it appropriate to respond back to the a-hole and chide him or her for doing so?

Wow, great question. This one pisses me off beyond belief. I love it when I get a mass email that says Tina Bazooka has been promoted to First in Command Pizza Dough twirller at Pizza Tonight, or that Dirty Sanchez has been promoted to third-shift bathroom attendant at the Coyote Ugly in Denver. Do I know these people? Should I know these people?

If that's not bad enough, then you have Tina and Dirty sending congratulatory notes to each other...BY REPLYING ALL. Basically you spend your afternoon caught in a crappy email conversation that no one really cares about. As if I don't get enough crap, YouTubes and get rich quick emails everyday, now I have to deal with this.

Should you respond? Absolutely not. One of the best pieces of advice I can give anyone is that you should not write anything in an email you wouldn't say to someone in person. I've learned this the hard way. Grin and bear it. Or get creative and send your own reply to all if it makes you feel better. Me...I smile on the outside while I curse them on the inside. Now I'm hungry for pizza.

Until next time,

The Yeti

To Each His Own

Dear Yeti,

What does it mean to be cultured?

It depends on the person. Some people feel that being cultured means dressing up and going to fancy parties. Some feel that attending the theatre, or ballet, or art exhibits is being cultured. Still others feel that reading a new book they've never heard of, or listening to some music they're unfamiliar with is being cultured.

The Yeti enjoys movies, books and the occasional play or musical. Art is pretty cool as well. Not big on cocktail parties...much rather have a crooked bar stool.

At the end of the day, what really matters is that you do what makes you happy. And do it with people that make you happy. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks; life is way too short.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Hairs what it's all about

dear yeti,

Is all that hair on your face itchy? If so, why don't you shave it off?

I was born with this hair. It's not itchy at all, for me.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Smooth Yeti

Dear Yeti,

How come I can't get a date in this town?

Well, I'm not a matchmaker or anything, so it's hard for me to say. What I can do is tell you what I did to get a date, which might help you out. Here goes:

1. Dress cool --> I tend to stick with a limited rotation of t-shirts and jeans, along with sandals and a hoodie. It makes people think you don't really care about your appearance or sense of style, and you don't have time to worry about that stuff because you're too busy with cooler things.

2. Talk cool --> My typical response to almost anything people say to me is . . . "Really? That's cool." I think this is self explanatory.

3. Drive a crappy car --> I drive a beat up truck. It makes people think you have saved lots of money because you don't have a nice car.

4. Be nice --> Open doors, say thank you, don't say dick jokes...you know, the basic stuff

And the most important thing...

5. Be yourself --> I'm a hairy ass Yeti...if you don't like that, oh well.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Mmmmmmm....bourbon

Dear Yeti,

Why do some people resort to drinking Maker's Mark when there is clearly a better bourbon out there?

Excellent question. Before I answer, I want to say that Maker's Mark is not a bad bourbon. It's just not a good bourbon.

Here's my sense of why people drink MM. It's not about the bourbon...it's about dipping everything in wax. Not just the bottle, but rocks glasses, shot glasses, wax coasters, wax shakers, you name it. And it's not just red wax. When that gets old, they play around with green wax for St. Paddy's, blue wax for UK...hell, I've even seen orange wax on some bottles.

With all of this waxyness going on, people forget about the bourbon. It's about having a wax fetish and getting free stuff...that's why people drink MM. I tend to drink bourbon brands that concentrate more on the product...like Woodford Reserve, Old Forester Birthday Bourbon, Blanton's. Now that's bourbon.

The Yeti has no need for wax. Just a glass and one ice cube please.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Examples of Wax