Bah Humbag

Dear Yeti,

Why do people hate Christmas?

At first, I thought to myself: "Does anyone really hate Christmas?" Who would hate the fact that you get the day off of work to eat fudge and get presents from people? That's insane! But unfortunately in today's world, we're always afraid of offending someone by telling them "Merry Christmas."

Here's what it's come down to: Christmas is all 'bout the stuff. The lights, the candy, the shopping, the fighting, the drinking, all that good stuff that one does with family. Christmas is commercial. That's a given fact. And you can make an argument that other holidays around this time such as Chanakauh and Kwanzaa are also becoming more commercialized. Everything has become a Hallmark holiday.

Is anyone really offended by this? SANTA?!?! SONGS?!?!? NATIVITY SCENES?!?! Is Christmas really a religious holiday anymore? Honestly, at this point, Christmas isn't what it used to be. I say believe in what you want and celebrate how you want. That's everyone's right. But don't come along and hate on a holiday or get all bent out of shape if someone is celebrating in a different way that you. Are you really offended? Me thinks probably not and you just want some attention.


This says it all folks

Until next time,

The Yeti

F Who?

Dear Yeti,

Is hate a bad word? Is it badder than the f word?

Hate is the worst word of all. The F word isn't always the grandest word to use, but it can be positive in some ways. Think about it. If someone says..." I just want to F you over and over again", that's pretty good. Or if someone pisses you off you can always say "Go F yourself" or "F you". It's not good for them, but it makes you feel better. Plus, what do you say to that? Isn't "F You" like one of the most effective phrases to say? Nothing you respond with is going to top that, unless you say "well, F your mom." That's pretty bad.


Hey, F you too baby

Hate is bad no matter what. It's not like bad, which can be a positive. If you say "Man, that movie was bad", it could have been good. But if you can't say "Man, I hated that movie" it pretty much sucked. No matter what. Saying you hate another person, that's really bad. I don't think I truly hate anyone. If you feel like saying that, you should probably come out with something like "Man, I really dislike you right now." That's not too bad. You can always bounce back from that. It's hard to take back hate.

Tis the season, so don't hate...appreciate.

Until next time,

The Yeti

What's in a name?

Dear Yeti,

Are you forever defined by your nickname? For example, if you go by the name shirtless guy and one day you put a shirt on did you just lose your identity? And if
so, how does one shake a nickname?

I think that nicknames definitely play a role in defining who you are. I guess it depends on how catchy the nickname really is. For example, I have a couple of friends who go strictly by their nickname. I rarely ever call them by their real name. That's who they are.

Who has the right to give you a nickname? Your parents, for one. My mom and dad gave me a nickname when I was a kid (which referenced my obtrusively large head) and they still call me that to this day. Your significant other also has a right to give you a nickname. Typically it's one that you use exclusively with that person only and isn't tossed around to everyone. Finally, anyone friend that you would sit down and have a beer with also can give you a nickname. This is generally the nickname that is used more often, and more likely to define you as a person. You can have a maximum of three nicknames, that's it.

Here's hoping you have at least one cool nickname.

Until next time,

The Yeti

A Big L for the W

Dear Yeti,

Why does George Bush suck so much?

Well, since I can only blog for a limited amount of time, I'll start with some of the more recent "issues". First, we go into Afghanistan to hunt down Bin Laden, which I can understand. What happened on 9/11 is one of the biggest tragedies in our country's history, and something needed to be done. However, this tragedy was deemed a free pass for the Dubbya to make his mark on the Oval Office.

We went and invaded Iraq based upon "intelligence" provided by "agencies". We've spent billions of dollars and lost thousands of lives to fight a war that we didn't have to fight in the first place. Guess what...our intelligence was wrong!!! There were no WMDs!!!


Our fearless leader

So....then our fearless leader makes a comment a couple of months ago to Iran that they need to stop their nuclear program to avoid WWIII. Our "intelligence" told us that Iran was developing nuclear weapons; today, that "intelligence" was found to be incorrect.

Did Georgie do all of this on his own? Of course not. But he is quick to open his mouth and make statements and decisions based upon incomplete information. So while we're trying to play world police, our country is going down the tubes with tons of debt, people losing their homes to shitty loan programs and natural disasters and kids on the street who don't have food to eat. Damn, if this doesn't make you want to vote, I don't know what will.

Until next time,

The Yeti

HELLO!?!?!?

Dear Yeti,

Where the hell you been?

Listen, I've been busy, okay? Contrary to popular belief, this isn't the only thing I have to do all day. I've been traveling lately and it sucks. It sounds sexy on paper, being gone from home and staying in nice hotels, eating in nice restaurants, but it's not sexy at all. I'll be gone for a few days this week, but hope to be back for a while during the holidays.

However, don't expect me to blog on weekends. That would suck.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Turkey Bowl

Dear Yeti,

Why is it that some people play a three hour football game during Thanksgiving break, knowing they will feel like shit for a full week?

You're asking the wrong yeti. My ass played in one of these games this past Friday, and I don't know who I thought I was. It started out pretty tame, with lots of stretching and warming up. Last year we had someone pull a hamstring after the first 15 minutes, and I didn't want to be the one to do that.


Damn, gotta make one of these videos for next year

One thing to keep in mind is that playing isn't so bad. Yeah, you get out of breath a bit and start to slow down after a while, but you never really feel bad. It's after you stop running, throwing and pushing people around that you start to feel it a bit. But wait until you get home and get on the couch...you won't get up after a while. Not that you won't, but you can't.

Don't even think about tossing and turning that night in bed. And when you wake up in the morning...everything hurts. I mean everything. My ribs, back, legs, feet, name it, it hurts.


That's me, in the middle, Saturday morning

Funny thing is...some people want to play once per month. Reasoning is that it won't hurt so much if we do it more than just once per year. My feeling is I love life, and I'm too young for a HoverRound. I'll stick to once per year (by next year, I'll forget how much it hurt).

Until next time,

The Yeti

Get Money

Dear Yeti,

Where does there term breadwinner come from? Did
people at one point only work so they could buy bread?
Wouldn't that be a bland existence?

I think you may be on to something. As most people know (especially if you are in the Southern Indiana area), bread is an important staple to mankind. One could argue that it is the most important staple. Need proof? I dare you to go to Kroger the night before a predicted snow fall and see what people are buying. I would lay $20 that there's a loaf of bread in every cart. You'll probably also find a dozen eggs and a gallon of milk, which must mean that everyone plans on making French toast for breakfast the next morning. I mean, what the hell?


Mmmmmmm...French Toast!

Given this, I guess you could make the argument the term could also be eggwinner or milkwinner. But those just sound dumb.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Snorefest

Dear Yeti,

Why does turkey make me so sleepy?

The easy answer for this is that turkey contains tryptophan. According to wikipedia.com, tryptophan is "...one of 20 essential amino acids, which are building blocks of protein, and an essential amino acid in the human diet." People always say that this is the chemical in turkey that makes everyone want to take a nap. The Yeti says that's bullshit.


Tryptophan - boring, but doesn't make me sleepy

And Wikipedia agrees. "While turkey does include high levels of tryptophan, the amount is comparable to that contained in most other meats. Furthermore postprandinal Thanksgiving sedation may have more to do with what is consumed along with turkey, and in particular carbohydrates, rather than turkey itself."

Thanks Wikipedia, because you're saying what I've been thinking: WE ARE ALL FAT ASSES. Of course turkey makes us sleepy. That's because we're also shoving corn, green beans, sage dressing, dumplings, creamed corn, macaroni and cheese, oyster dressing, salad, yams covered with marshmallows, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, chocolate bars, biscuits, bread, corn bread, mixed vegetables, salami, cheese, pickles, potato chips, Cheetos, chocolate cream pie, banana cream pie, banana pudding, chicken wings, pork loin, cheesecake, rolls, barbecue ribs, ham, olives, potato salad, mashed potatoes, au gratin potaties, green bean and other odd casseroles, Jello molds and a turkey sandwich "snack" into our pie holes all in one day. On top of that, we load up a plate or three to take home with us just in case we get the munchies later that night.

That doesn't even begin to account for all of the beer, wine and bourbon you drink during the day. My friend Belle has a great recap of making this into a game in her recent blog entry (under My Peeps at the top of the page).

Damn, I think I would need a nap too. I'm just sayin. When it comes to tryptophan it's a classic case of don't hate the playa, hate the game.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!

Dear Yeti,

Where do babies come from?

I can tell you where babies used to come from. Service Merchandise. I remember back in the day when moms all over Southern Indiana would stand in line at this place to get their baby in a box. My mom was one of those ladies. She collected the babies, but typically left them in the box. I think there were a few people trampled at some point trying to get these babies. Some wanted to leave them in the box, some wanted to give them to their kids so they could have babies, some wanted to put them on the baby black market and make some cold hard cash. Very scary.



Soon the baby craze crapped out. That's because the Furbee showed up. Some stupid furball that "talked" to you. Or sang. Or something.



Then that damn thing died, so the babies came back. Beanie Babies. They typically came from Hallmark or the flea market. I remember being at my grandma's house and seeing thousands of these things staring at me. I think a few people died trying for these things as well.



Aren't you glad Christmas is here?

Until next time,

The Yeti

Extreme Peeve

Dear Yeti,

Why is it that one a-hole always "replies all" to a company wide email by mistake? And is it appropriate to respond back to the a-hole and chide him or her for doing so?

Wow, great question. This one pisses me off beyond belief. I love it when I get a mass email that says Tina Bazooka has been promoted to First in Command Pizza Dough twirller at Pizza Tonight, or that Dirty Sanchez has been promoted to third-shift bathroom attendant at the Coyote Ugly in Denver. Do I know these people? Should I know these people?

If that's not bad enough, then you have Tina and Dirty sending congratulatory notes to each other...BY REPLYING ALL. Basically you spend your afternoon caught in a crappy email conversation that no one really cares about. As if I don't get enough crap, YouTubes and get rich quick emails everyday, now I have to deal with this.

Should you respond? Absolutely not. One of the best pieces of advice I can give anyone is that you should not write anything in an email you wouldn't say to someone in person. I've learned this the hard way. Grin and bear it. Or get creative and send your own reply to all if it makes you feel better. Me...I smile on the outside while I curse them on the inside. Now I'm hungry for pizza.

Until next time,

The Yeti

To Each His Own

Dear Yeti,

What does it mean to be cultured?

It depends on the person. Some people feel that being cultured means dressing up and going to fancy parties. Some feel that attending the theatre, or ballet, or art exhibits is being cultured. Still others feel that reading a new book they've never heard of, or listening to some music they're unfamiliar with is being cultured.

The Yeti enjoys movies, books and the occasional play or musical. Art is pretty cool as well. Not big on cocktail parties...much rather have a crooked bar stool.

At the end of the day, what really matters is that you do what makes you happy. And do it with people that make you happy. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks; life is way too short.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Hairs what it's all about

dear yeti,

Is all that hair on your face itchy? If so, why don't you shave it off?

I was born with this hair. It's not itchy at all, for me.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Smooth Yeti

Dear Yeti,

How come I can't get a date in this town?

Well, I'm not a matchmaker or anything, so it's hard for me to say. What I can do is tell you what I did to get a date, which might help you out. Here goes:

1. Dress cool --> I tend to stick with a limited rotation of t-shirts and jeans, along with sandals and a hoodie. It makes people think you don't really care about your appearance or sense of style, and you don't have time to worry about that stuff because you're too busy with cooler things.

2. Talk cool --> My typical response to almost anything people say to me is . . . "Really? That's cool." I think this is self explanatory.

3. Drive a crappy car --> I drive a beat up truck. It makes people think you have saved lots of money because you don't have a nice car.

4. Be nice --> Open doors, say thank you, don't say dick jokes...you know, the basic stuff

And the most important thing...

5. Be yourself --> I'm a hairy ass Yeti...if you don't like that, oh well.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Mmmmmmm....bourbon

Dear Yeti,

Why do some people resort to drinking Maker's Mark when there is clearly a better bourbon out there?

Excellent question. Before I answer, I want to say that Maker's Mark is not a bad bourbon. It's just not a good bourbon.

Here's my sense of why people drink MM. It's not about the bourbon...it's about dipping everything in wax. Not just the bottle, but rocks glasses, shot glasses, wax coasters, wax shakers, you name it. And it's not just red wax. When that gets old, they play around with green wax for St. Paddy's, blue wax for UK...hell, I've even seen orange wax on some bottles.

With all of this waxyness going on, people forget about the bourbon. It's about having a wax fetish and getting free stuff...that's why people drink MM. I tend to drink bourbon brands that concentrate more on the product...like Woodford Reserve, Old Forester Birthday Bourbon, Blanton's. Now that's bourbon.

The Yeti has no need for wax. Just a glass and one ice cube please.

Until next time,

The Yeti

Examples of Wax

What.....me move?

Dear Yeti,
Why do people from Southern Indiana never want to move?

Are you kidding me? Let's look at the top ten list of reasons to live in Southern Indiana, specifically Jeffersonville:

10. The Colgate clock (2nd largest clock in the world)
9. Home of the Red Devils, 1993 Indiana high school basketball state champs
8. Baby Biker, Fetus Biker and Moped Man racing down my street
7. Double T's
6. Pizza King (this could possibly move up the list)
5. Cheaper property taxes than Louisville
4. Fat chicks dancing at Lighthouse karaoke sessions
3. Better view of Thunder Over Louisville
2. Johnny D's
1. Watching The Breadwinner jump in the river

Nuff said. On a separate note, feel free to check out the cool blogs under the My Peeps section. Until next time.

The Yeti

My First Question

Dear Yeti: Why is the music in Castlevania so good?

Deepest Regards,
The Bar Belle

Well Belle, that's a great question. In fact, I'm asked about this all of the time. I think there are a few answers to explore.

One, as you probably know, the game is based upon entering the castle and killing lots of skeletons, spiders, ghosts and eventually Count Dracula himself. That's a pretty cool concept. With a game that cool, the music has to be cool.

Two, the music is easily recreated using an electric guitar, which is the coolest of all the cool instruments. Watch this YouTube guy do it (he makes it look sooo easy).



Thirds, it's a very unique tune. Ask any Joe Schmoe on the street about the music from Castlevania, and if he's anybody he can easily hum the first few bars. If not, kick him in the balls.

For those of you not familiar with this small piece of NES history, here you go:



Until next time,

The Yeti

Hello

Hi, I'm The Yeti. I'm here to answer your questions, give you advice and also to entertain. You might ask yourself..."Self, why does a yeti have a blog?" Well, that's a good question. This is a shocker for me as well. Who really cares? Nobody will likely read this anyway, so it's not a big deal. Let's move on.

Feel free to send your question or dilemma to me at my email address at the top of the page.

You won't regret it. Thanks for stopping by.

The Yeti